ad astra!

?
once upon a friday morning i woke up with this song in my head.

Rufus Wainwright — Want One — Go Or Go Ahead

Thank you for this bitter knowledge
Guardian angels who left me stranded
It was worth it, feeling abandoned
Makes one hardened but what has happened to love
You got me writing lyrics on postcards
Then in the evenings looking at stars
But the brightest of the planets is Mars
Then what has happened to love

So I will opt for the big white limo
Vanity fairgrounds and rebel angels
You can’t be trusted with feathers so hollow
Your heaven’s invention, steel-eyed vampires of love
You see over me, I’ll never know
What you have shown to other eyes
Go or go ahead and surprise me
Say you’ve lead the way to a mirage
Go or go ahead and just try me

Nowhere’s now here smelling of junipers
Fell off the hay bales, I’m over the rainbows
But oh, Medusa, kiss me and crucify
This unholy notion of the mythic powers of love

Look in her eyes, look in her eyes
Forget about the ones that are crying
Look in her eyes, look in her eyes
Forget about the ones that are crying

Go or go ahead
Go or go ahead
Go or go ahead
And surprise me
Go or go ahead
Go or go ahead
Go or go ahead
And just try me

on a much lighter note, this was me but only a few moments ago!

toothpastefordinner.com

Back when my brother and I were growing up we had Big Brothers (like Big Brothers/Big Sisters). I believe I’ve spoken about mine before on here, I’m not going to look just yet. Anyhow, Jeff (my Big Brother) was a fantastic person and role model, we were big/little brothers officially for like 5 years and it was great.

My brother’s, on the other hand, was not so great. I don’t know how my brother felt about him but I always (always!) got this creepy vibe from him.

Now before I go any further, this isn’t going to play out like some “very special episode” or anything, but it is a sexual thing and that creepy vibe fleshed (har) itself out when my brother and I were fourteen.

Fourteen is old enough to know what’s going on, but not old enough to really have it figured out (sometimes I wonder if 28 is, too). Long story short he… well I don’t want to say “molested me” because that’s not entirely true, but he tried some shit that I didn’t like and made me uncomfortable. That’s pretty much enough, but at fourteen I didn’t think much of it—I mean I was already curious about sexuality so I hadn’t really given it too much thought. But a few years ago he popped up (har again) online talking to me and it just left me with a (har. har. har.) bad taste in my mouth.

Again, this is rather personal, but I assure you it wasn’t very traumatic at the time, and I’m not scarred for life or left with some complex about it, and the uppance that finally comes is more enough of a payoff for me so I decided to post it here.

Anyhow, the more I’ve thought about it over the past few years, what happened to me just began to feel like it was wrong and the less and less okay I was with him talking to me. I still don’t feel like a victim, but as I said the more I’ve thought about it the more I felt on principle that what happened was wrong, and that I had the right to speak up about it. I was fourteen years old, for fuck sake, and this guy was pretty much a dirty bastard. So tonight, for the final act, I got the payoff. The names have not been changed since no one is innocent:

lakeMIguy001 From Kalamazoo @ 22:57
<lakeMIguy001> hi paul
<edge79> hi
<lakeMIguy001> hows it going
<edge79> alright, how about you?
<lakeMIguy001> eeehhh…ok. thank god its the weekend
<lakeMIguy001> anything new in your life?
<edge79> umm.. do I know you?
<lakeMIguy001> yeah…..
<edge79> ok…..
<lakeMIguy001> from a long time ago
<edge79> is this scott morris?
<lakeMIguy001> good guess.
<edge79> so I’m right?
<lakeMIguy001> yeah
<edge79> sweet.
<edge79> can you do me a favor?
<lakeMIguy001> probably
<edge79> don’t ever fucking talk to me again
<lakeMIguy001> ok
<edge79> it doesn’t matter that I ended up being gay, and it doesn’t matter that I’m twice as old now as I was then, what you did to me was wrong and you’re lucky I didn’t have you put in jail.

That to me seems like a fair thing to say. Posting it here is probably not fair, but fuck you. He never apologized or even made it seem like he was sorry about it, so… fuck you.

Barb D. pointed me toward this article, which she said is “good” but I find to be just G-d-awful. A highlight of the most troublesome language:

Though he likes to claim that his race was a liability to be overcome, he also surely knew that his race could give him just the edge he needed — an edge that would never be available to a white, not even a white woman.

How to turn one’s blackness to advantage?

The answer is that one “bargains.” Bargaining is a mask that blacks can wear in the American mainstream, one that enables them to put whites at their ease. This mask diffuses the anxiety that goes along with being white in a multiracial society. Bargainers make the subliminal promise to whites not to shame them with America’s history of racism, on the condition that they will not hold the bargainer’s race against him.

I don’t know if that editorial was published before or after Obama’s More Perfect Union speech but I hope it was formulated beforehand, as the speech he gave went far beyond this “bargaining” that Shelby Steele seems to think is so important. Before I go any further I have to address that term, that idea, which seems really offensive and out of line to me. The idea that successful blacks in America can only ever be Uncle Toms—accommodating negroes who know their place in the White World—is an outdated and racist sentiment, disproved by Obama himself and also (yeah) Oprah and these fifty people. To propose that their success somehow atones for the sins from our fathers is unfair and outrageous and is in league with the erroneous opinions of Rev. Wright himself.

Barack Obama is not bargaining with us. He does not offer the opportunity to “purchase racial reconciliation on the cheap.” (Bargain prices, even) If one reads his speech deeply enough one would notice it doesn’t gloss over the racial problems of our country, it names them out front and seeks to hold those to blame for it accountable.

…the disparities that exist in the African-American community today can be directly traced to inequalities passed on from an earlier generation that suffered under the brutal legacy of slavery and Jim Crow…[and i]n the white community, the path to a more perfect union means acknowledging that what ails the African-American community does not just exist in the minds of black people; that the legacy of discrimination – and current incidents of discrimination, while less overt than in the past – are real and must be addressed. Not just with words, but with deeds…

If that’s not pointing a little shame at us I’m not sure what is. But then Obama does something different: he says it’s our job to fix it, “that working together we can move beyond some of our old racial wounds, and that in fact we have no choice if we are to continue on the path of a more perfect union.”

So this is not a bargain. This speech is not quite an accusation but also not at all an acquittal. The sins from our fathers can only be repaired by their dreams. Obama’s dream is my dream, and that’s why I like him as a candidate and as a man. The problem of race in America is the problem that we made for ourselves over the course of centuries and decades past. Barack Obama is not atonement. We must be the change we wish to see.

As I said before, Obama is not for me a black candidate or even a half-black candidate. He is the change I wish to see, the change I believe in, the America that we can be.

I’ve never really felt white guilt. Possibly because I never saw de jure segregation firsthand, but probably more so because the poverty I saw while growing up was integrated; the low-income apartment complex my mom managed had just as many poor white people as it did poor black people. The color of the faces was irrelevant to me: black, brown or white everyone was just trying to get by. The only color poverty knows is green—or rather, lack of. The one thing all these people had, regardless of race or creed, was hope.

Hope knows no color. But hope alone is nothing without substance. Barack Obama has that substance, not just as a gifted orator but as an individual who stands not for atonement but for change—and not change for the sake of change, but change for the better. As Obama says, “what we know — what we have seen – is that America can change. That is the true genius of this nation. What we have already achieved gives us hope – the audacity to hope – for what we can and must achieve tomorrow.”

I had to stop and think a little bit about what this year’s done so far… January pretty much stank, what with the constant pain in my hand and then having to have surgery. Some fun stuff happened in February, there were some pretty cool weekends both here and in GR. March has meant that I got a new camera like I wanted, and new tires. Otherwise it seems like tragedy-both small and large-has befallen a lot of people in my life. I shouldn’t say tragedy, that sounds a little over the top, but nonetheless bad things happen.

Coming back from Brad’s on I-94 Monday night I saw the most beautiful sunset. It served as a good reminder that life goes on no matter what happens to us, large or small. It’s up to us to keep going—because even at the darkest time of night the sunrise is only ever a few hours away. Wait it out, and you’ll see. (Well, except for the higher latitudes—you people are just screwed.)

I should remember that going in to my yearly review. While I know I kicked some serious ass this year my boss is very what-have-you-done-for-me-lately so I’ll have to remind him.

That’s my being reflective for the morning, and hopefully the last time I’ll feel the need to rehash the first 90 days of 2008. April will be awesome as I get to go on vacation. Speaking of which, I have 2 weeks vacation time left. I should take good solid week off somewhere in between wholesaler return schedules. Ick.

AND I’m throwing in some Auden as a bonus:

The More Loving One
W. H. Auden

Looking up at the stars, I know quite well
That, for all they care, I can go to hell,
But on earth indifference is the least
We have to dread from man or beast.

How should we like it were stars to burn
With a passion for us we could not return?
If equal affection cannot be,
Let the more loving one be me.

Admirer as I think I am
Of stars that do not give a damn,
I cannot, now I see them, say
I missed one terribly all day.

Were all stars to disappear or die
I should learn to look at an empty sky
And feel its total dark sublime,
Though this might take me a little time.

I found this in a conversation and it made me laugh again:

<glenn> I’m actually using AIM on my typewriter right now
<glenn> [ding]
<glenn> sliiiiiide

New for this year! The single shot version! It’s still 14 shots, so if anyone were to make it all the way through it’d be a miracle!

Just in time for Good Friday, the Stations of the Cross Drinking Game!

1. Jesus is Condemned to Die

Take a shot of Death Sentence:
1/3 oz Jim Beam bourbon whiskey
1/3 oz Jagermeister herbal liqueur
1/3 oz Bundaberg dark rum


2. Jesus is Made to Bear His Cross

Take a shot of Crown Royal Canadian whisky.


3. Jesus Falls the First Time

Take a shot of Falling Star:
3/4 oz white sambuca
fill with Jack Daniel’s Tennessee whiskey

4. Jesus Meets His Mother

Take a shot of Mother’s Milk:
1 oz Goldschlager cinnamon schnapps
1 oz butterscotch schnapps
1 oz milk
(shake over ice)

5. Simon Helps Jesus Carry His Cross

Take a shot of Black Cherrymeister:
1 oz Fresca Black Cherry soda
1 oz Jagermeister herbal liqueur

6. Veronica Wipes Jesus’ Face

Take a shot of Red Headed Slut:
1 oz peach schnapps
1 oz Jagermeister herbal liqueur
cranberry juice

7. Jesus Falls the Second Time

Take a shot of Falling Star

8. Jesus Meets the Women of Jerusalem

Take a shot of A Piece of Ass:
1 shot amaretto almond liqueur
1 shot Southern Comfort peach liqueur
fill with sweet and sour mix

9. Jesus Falls the Third Time

Take a shot of Falling Star

10. Jesus is Stripped

Take a shot of Naked on the Bathroom Floor:
1/2 oz tequila
1/2 oz Rumple Minze peppermint liqueur
1/2 oz Jagermeister herbal liqueur
1/2 oz Wild Turkey bourbon whiskey
1/2 oz Goldschlager cinnamon schnapps
1/2 oz DeKuyper Hot Damn cinnamon schnapps

Then take off all your clothes.

11. Jesus is Nailed to the Cross

Take a shot of Jesus Jackhammer:
1 oz Everclear alcohol
1 oz Bacardi 151 rum
1 oz Absolut vanilla vodka

12. Jesus Dies on the Cross

Take a Kamikaze shot:
1/2 oz Bacardi 151 rum
1/2 oz Goldschlager cinnamon schnapps
1/2 oz Jagermeister herbal liqueur

13. Jesus is Taken Down from the Cross

Take Body Shots:
1 oz vodka
1 package sugar
1 lemon wedge

Done with a partner: lick their neck to moisten. Pour packet of sugar onto their neck. Place wedge of lemon in their mouth with the skin pointed inward. You first lick the sugar from their neck, then shoot the vodka, then suck the lemon from their mouth.

14. Jesus is Laid in the Tomb

Take a shot of Lay Down and Shut Up
1/2 oz Jagermeister herbal liqueur
1/2 oz DeKuyper Hot Damn cinnamon schnapps
1/2 oz Kahlua coffee liqueur
1 splash cream

Shot recipes from DrinksMixer.com

The Best 7 of 9 Episodes
Scorpion video poker virtualeroulette europeakeno gratisstrip roulettecasino gratis slot machinemetodi per vincere alla roulettecasino comgiochi di casino onlinecasino italia bonuscasino game,casino gaming,giochi casinobonus dei casinonoleggio video pokergold casinocasino on line americancasino online rouletteslots comcasino games,casino games pro,download casino gamessoftware rouletteroulette 36casino on line con bonusgioco roulette gratisgiochi black jack in lineaon line casino,online casino games,casino onlineonline gamblingcasino en lineaprofessional video pokercasino on line italiacasino da scaricare gratisbaccarat downloadgioco di roulettevideo poker gamecasino online con bonusgioco craps in lineamigliori casino on linevideo poker strategycasino net,risposte casino on net,questionario bonus casino on netquestionario casino on netgiochi kenolista casino onlinerisposte eurobarre casino on netwww casino onlinedownload slotsgiochi casino gratis on linebonus code casinodownload video pokeril gioco della roulettecasino en lignegioco kenojack black in lineatrucchi casino on line has to necessarily go first, then after that…

1. Scorpion I & II
2. Relativity
3. Dark Frontier
4. Unimatrix Zero I & II
5. The Omega Directive
6. Think Tank
7. The Voyager Conspiracy
8. Drone

Even the corruption fighters are corrupt!

Along comes another corrupt politician to highlight the need for change. I’ve said over and over that Hillary is corrupt, but I think the main reason why I like Barack Obama so much is that he hasn’t spent the last 20 years in the upper echelons of American political power; he spent time as a local political organizer out on the streets, he worked hard to get elected to and then in local government for a number of years. When he talks about people like me I have the feeling that he’s met people like me and he knows our struggles—I can’t help but believe that the lives of anyone making under $200,000 are anything but an abstraction to Hillary Clinton. But Obama has been in the streets, as struggled like many of us and seems to be running for president not just because it’s the next level of power for him but because he believes in what he says and what America can be.

And poor Elliot Spitzer looks like he’s going to implode.

122 down, 9 to go. Godspeed Endeavour and the crew of STS-123!

Visit the mission page here.

Watch the launch! Night launches are spectacular!

“We shouldn’t be stuck on this rock forever. I believe it’s in our human nature to try to go somewhere else, and we’ve almost worn this world out. I think now is the time to reach out and go somewhere else to start with a clean slate. There is no reason not to try.“

Some people I know have been bitching left and right about how “unfair” and “undemocratic” the Democratic party is being in regards to the seating of our delegates.

Firstly, the thing to understand is that the Democratic party is a party, an organization, and therefore only has an obligation in spirit to some sort of democratic process. The process is slightly more fair than the Republican’s; Democratic party delegates are awarded proportionally based on the percentage of people who voted for a certain candidate, whereas the Republican system is winner take all. That being said, each party has its own rules (and is allowed to have whatever set of rules they choose) and Michigan (and Florida) broke those rules by holding primaries before February 5th. That’s plain and simple.

The word ‘politics’ is derived from the word ‘poly’, meaning ‘many’, and the word ‘ticks’, meaning ‘blood sucking parasites’.
– Larry Hardiman

Everyone in Michigan who wants to vote for either of the Democratic candidates for President should send a letter to the MDP urging them to hold a caucus or another primary so that our delegates can count. Of course I want Obama to win, but I’d like to have the opportunity to vote for him.

Charlie & Dino

Originally uploaded by Paul Pellerito.

Dino just found out on Sunday (March 2nd) that Charlie died in a car crash way back in September. I just found out tonight.

While Dino is infinitely more sad that I could ever be I’m still sad about it, since they dated for awahile over 3 years ago now, but I knew Charlie and we got to pal around for a couple weekends. We had a great time together and while he wasn’t someone I ever expected to see again I certainly hadn’t thought that I never would or wouldn’t be able to.

Charlie and Dino met shortly before I went to visit Dino for the first time, I remember listening to Coldplay with Dino and him telling me about how he and Charlie had listened to the “Parachutes” album while talking and getting to know each other.

Something Dino said about people not changing, and just the way I remember Charlie’s personality reminded me of this song:
this video is not entirely great but the song is