ad astra!

Stronger at Home, Respected in the World

W kept saying tonight that “it’s hard work”. To reiterate what John Kerry has told us:

Yes, Mr. President, it is hard work—but we can do better!

John Kerry for President.

I read this last year via Arts & Letters Daily but I’m posting it again because I got three power point presentations within one week at school:

“What sort of world is reflected in PowerPoint? A world stripped down to briefly summarized essences, a world snipped clean of the annoying underbrush of ambiguity and complication. But is that the world in which we want to live? And are the values prized by businesses – succinctness, directness, manipulation of symbols – also the values we want running our schools and nurturing our children?”

Read the full essay here.

Jedi Mind-trick your professor!

This is not the research paper prospectus you are looking for.

So…. Bob is pissed at me because he came to town today and I wasn’t able to hang out with him. He told me all of his other friends would “make time” for him. I think he tought I was trying to kite out on him but really… there’s no time to make. I sit here at Morningstar 75 with my iPod in one hand and my reading for PLS 221 & 339 in the other… I work 8am until I don’t know when tomorrow and this stuff is due on Monday. I had time after work today to eat, go to GVSU downtown and print stuff out, and I’m stealing five minutes to write this entry as I haven’t updated in awhile.

23:03: restate my assumptions.

1.) I moved back to Grand Rapids in order to finish at GVSU.
2.) I’ve spent a cumulative three years of the past six fucking around and not being in school. Blew off a lot of school while I was in it.
3.) I’m taking four classes (down from five!) plus work. While I understand that other people are doing the same thing, I have three upper division courses to study for, and really my life consists of mostly reading and work and going to class.
4.) I haven’t seen my Grandparents in over a month.
5.) I haven’t seen my brother since before I moved back to GR.
6.) I haven’t seen the Kalamazoo people since then, either.

I have nearly no time to do anything. I come here to MS75 and read until I’m finished or they close. I haven’t even really had a chance to make new friends in GR, which I really want and need. The big social thing this week was going to Out’n About on Wednesday, which gave me a 12 hour day at GVSU, which was massively tiring.

Yeah, I’m complaining sort of. But really, I am enjoying this new lifestyle, and furthermore, I chose this. The sacrifice to my social life must be made now in order for me to continue to move forward in life. I have put school first and foremost for that reason and because I haven’t done that in the past. I have to make myself the priority, otherwise I’m never going to graduate and I’m never going to get out from behind the pharamcy counter at Meijer.

So Bob, please understand that I’m not blowing you off, it’s just that I have things to do that I musn’t blow off this time. That and I need to know where the Gulf of fucking Bothnia is for PLS 221 on Wednesday. As of right now, I dunno where the god damned Gulf-of-fucking-Bothnia is.

In terms of depression… I guess I am sort of down. Mostly because.. well.. I have a routine. I hate routine. I can’t stand every week being the same. And I’m feeling really nostalgic for the Bellevue house.

I keep telling myself (much as I did last year at this time) that I’ll feel better once the weather is more like fall. I was doing that last year and it worked, so hopefully once the leaves change and stuff I’ll be feeling better day-to-day.

I hate routine.

For Fiction Friday, a short “Steinese” poem I wrote for class:

Television

What can be seen cannot yet be seen, that remains to be seen. But that cannot be seen but surely someone else can see, even if that remains to be seen what remains to be seen when that which remains to be seen remains to be seen? Maybe we shouldn’t watch at all.

Best idea of the week.

I hate work. I love my classes, tho.

Today was a momentous occasion: Joe bought his own food. Yay for Joe! Hopefully it’ll help it seem like he’s working at his crappy job for something. That’s the only thing that keep me going back to work these days…

Finally got in touch with Dino after I think a month or something of not really talking to him. It was nice but a little too noisy here at the coffee shop.

Time to go work on my pile of homework. 3 & 1/2 hours to see what I can do!

I really am feeling better.

On Mon, 20 Sep 2004 16:07:38 -0400, Josh wrote:

Pashka,

Because you seem to take others’ sides on most everything and because
we no longer have good, heart-to-heart, mutually
understanding/empathic conversations, I’ve removed you from my buddy
lists on AIM and Blogger.

However, I want to make sure you understand that this is not out of spite.

I love you and care for you Paul but I think we have finally gotten to
the point in our friendship where we can be ourselves around
each other. This would be a wonderful thing if not for the fact that
our natural personalities are not at all compatible.

There was a time before when I removed you from the KineticMemory
team. That was very bitchy of me. I’m sorry. Maybe this will help make
up for it: I have made you administrator, and I have left the team.
You did way more with it than I did anyway.

I wish you the best of luck with everything you’re doing now. You’ve
done a lot for me… the trip to Stratford, making the JHaus feel
something like a family, good conversations about things deeper than I
could share with Jay or Joe, this very e-mail account… many other
things too numerous to mention. I thank you from the bottom of my
heart.

If you ever need to talk to me, you know how to find me.

Josh

From: Paul Pellerito
To: Josh
Date: Tue, 21 Sep 2004 01:58:01 -0400
Subject: personal relationships.

Sunday I cried a little bit in my bathroom. I cried because you no longer come downstairs and use some Cetaphil on your hands. I realize that you and I are no longer present together as we once were. Our relationship is being redefined, and redefined in such ways that many relationships going through similar changes often do not survive.

My goal has never been to take sides, although in working towards such goals sides are taken but not necessarily chosen.

I simply find myself puzzled at the way you often chose to treat people. While this is not meant to be a critisicm it is inherintely such; an unavoidable systematic error in the nature of presenting to you such a problem. This problem manifests itself over and over again both in your personal interactions and those online, moreso in those online because it’s easier for you and I to be dismissive to people.

I just find in general that people are, for lack of a better and more articulate term, shitty to one another. Especially online. I am by no means innocent in this respect, however it troubles me when it comes to you.

I have had numerous persons (many who you and even I would simply dismiss) come to me and question both the reason for and the value of the friendship between us and why it’s maintained. I’ve questioned it myself.

The only answer I’ve been able to muster so far is that I have seen you at your very best; I have seen the loving, kind, quiet, patient, and understanding Josh shine through the pain and difficulty you’ve already experienced in your nineteen years of life. This is the Josh I know and love.

What bothers me most is that these people are rarely if ever afforded the priviledge of seeing the quality of your character and the strength of your integrity. It is true that you possess an intelligence that is far above average, but as the adage goes- with great power comes great responsibility. As people who are able to recognize the failures in our interactions it is our responsibility to be more beneficent toward others, and even though I will be the first to admit we often fail in this regard it is our charge to further our efforts and continue to be diligent on the path we are obligated to follow. Thus it is not necessarily our responsibility to deem which individuals are worthy of such beneficence but moreover our duty to do our best to extend it to all we come in contact with.

This is my reason for coming down on you as much as I have, because I have seen the best of you and I know if others were privy to that more often you would be more respected and better loved. You have great potential to be not only a leader in whichever field(s) you choose to pursue but also for that community in which that pursuit lies. You also have the potential to bring a wealth of happiness to those friends and lovers you find along the way, as you have to me and others who currently share in your friendship.

In order to fully actualize this potential and realize the destiny that is undoubtably in order for you it is paramount that you begin to mature in your words and actions; you must accept the challenge of laying aside your prejudices and predilections and resolve to work through your adversities with your best face forward. In other words, grin and bear it.

It is rather easy for us to get caught up in ourselves and our situations, especially individuals such as you and I who are implicitly lonely. The paradox of our loneliness is that we tend to push others away. The caveat is that I can see you following such a path of isolation which can only result in your further loneliness and alienation, something which for you would result in your inability to accomplish your goals.

To imply that we are incompatible in terms of friendship is to discount the circumstances that have surrounded the duration of our relationship; I am coming to a point now where the previous uncertainties and anxieties of my life situation are resolving themselves or have already resolved for at least the time being. Furthermore, I have found that us living apart may in fact be the best thing for our continued friendship. So I want it made clear to you that I seek no end throughout this change and hold no resentment for any past problems or rifts that may have developed in the course of our friendship. I in fact rarely have, despite outward appearances. I do however believe that the nature of our friendship is destined to be some sort of ideological-intellectual love-hate rivalry, and while I do not necessarily desire it I do not find it unwelcome. The Josh-Paul rollercoaster has spawned some very meaningful introspection on my part, as I hope it has and will continue to do  so on yours.

-Paul

Where did Straight Poop go? He was just startin’ to get good.

Today is International Talk Like A Pirate Day!!!

I feel a lot more like myself yesterday and today. More so I think than in the past month. That’s a good thing. I gotta go study, even though I’m tired. 200mg of caffeine should help. I really could use some 0007-3513-20. ADD is hardcore tonight.

I’ve just accepted that I’m behind and probably won’t have much in the way of time to catch up. Pretty much starts over after Oct 11 midterm stuff, though.

The only good thing that happened today at work was I got to take an hour away to drive to the grandville store and back. Otherwise I was pretty much a clerk. I think next Saturday at Cascade I’m going to have to assert my authority.

Get YOUR butt up front, honey!

I think I’ve been asleep for most of this week. I did lose 10 pounds tho!

I’m feeling less feverish today which the antibios are kicking ass and soon I’ll have the shits. My goal is to feel well enough to leave the apt and go print some stuff out for PLS 221 and 339 at the pew campus. There’s also a quiz on this bitchin’ timeline/history/important dates thing that’s really crawled up my ass and poked me in the brain for the past few days. Ihrman’s class? I dunno what the hell we’re doing in Ihrman’s class. I had a fever dream about fishing with Hemingway tho, I think that counts for credit.

Elsewhere in the world today, NoMilk is still my favorite.

I like how there’s this whole industry now that’s well, “popped up” to combat the flaws of the #1 browser: Micro$oft Internet Explorer. When IE first came out, a lot of people embraced it over Netscape: it was, for awhile, a little bit better of a browser. The UI was elegant, the features ‘exciting’ at the time, and so on and so on. Netscape 4.7 was a catch-up to IE, and it never fully regained its spot as the top browser after that. With ‘Windows Integration’ came the antitrust lawsuits and the nearly 100% market share that Microsoft has kept over the years.

Then came the worms. Then came popups. Then came spyware. Then came Phoenix. Then it was called Firebird, now we’re hopefully calling it Firefox for good. The underlying code: Netscape. The underlying vision: Give people a better browser. Firefox is that browser. While it’s not immune to woes that are (arguably) major security flaws in Windows, it is immune to the majority of the problems that have plagued IE from the outset.

From a Mac prospective, Safari is still the better option, but Firefox is getting there. If we get a 2.0 release anytime soon, hopefully it’ll kick Safari’s ass. So that’s my $0.02 for Firefox.

Ok… for everyone out there who is still emailing around Micro$oft Word documents (EH HEM: professors) try and get this program: pdf995. It shows up as a printer on your system, and then you print your documents using the program and… well, bam! instant pdf. Pdf is quickly becoming universal, it’s already cross-platform and is perfect for sharing documents you don’t need anyone to edit.

I’ve been making everything a pdf since I got OpenOffice on my PC, and even more my iBook, as OS X supports PDF 150% and even creates them on-the-fly (File>Print…>Save as PDF…) and since I don’t have will never buy Office 2000, I can view a pdf in Preview faster than you can say Bill Gates.

A challenge to my profs: Send me a pdf and I’ll bring you a cookie.

I got a doctor’s note!

…and strep throat along with it. If you need me, I’ll be at Kent County Republican headquarters licking all their doorknobs.

This was too funny not to post.

Way to go Sec. Powell!

The nightmare from the fever woke me up. Sweaty, startled, I went and splashed cold water on my face.

I’ve been laying here for an hour. All the codeine cough syrup is gone. Don’t even ask about the laudanum.

Maybe I’ll call a priest to go along with the ice cream.

I can’t decide which sucks more: Missing class or not being able to eat solid food.

Doctor’s office opens at 9am. I’m calling. I’m going.

Thursday 16 September 2004: Paul uses his final personal day of his anniversary year.

It’s worse today. Why, oh why, did they not take out my tonsils? I can’t swallow.

I’m getting ice cream.

Joe… if you eat any more of my pizza… I will throw you out of the window.

Just so we have that cleared up.

The preview of the new fifty is online. The actual note begins circulation on 28 September.

If anyone has Photoshop, some patience, cotton paper, and a color printer, you might want to print out a few of these babies for us.