It’s so cold in here. I was freezing, so I laid in bed & wrapped up in the covers. Then I fell asleep even with loud NIN on the stereo. So I guess I must’ve been tiredcranky cuz I woke up in a better mood. 
Monthly Archive for September, 2003
GRR. I got an appointment for an eye exam & contact lenses today but since I didn’t wear my lenses the lady didn’t want to do an exam for them. She said she wanted to see how they fit. I’ve been wearing the same damned brand and almost the same prescription for 7 years. They fit fucking fine. And I fucking take them out for you to write the presription, so how about, since I’m already fucking here, we just do this and I’ll give you money? No. I have to go back on Friday. Thanks for wasting my time when you could’ve told me on the damned phone to wear my contacts. Yeah, so I’m in a fabulous fucking mood now after a shitty day at work as well. Go away. Fuck off. Die.
U2 : The Best Of 1980-1990 : All I Want Is You
You say you want
Diamonds on a ring of gold
You say you want
Your story to remain untold
But all the promises we make
From the cradle to the grave
When all I want is you
You say you’ll give me
A highway with no one on it
Treasure just to look upon it
All the riches in the night
You say you’ll give me
Eyes in a moon of blindness
A river in a time of dryness
A harbour in the tempest
But all the promises we make
From the cradle to the grave
When all I want is you
You say you want
Your love to work out right
To last with me through the night
You say you want
Diamonds on a ring of gold
Your story to remain untold
Your love not to grow cold
All the promises we break
From the cradle to the grave
When all I want is you
You…all I want is…
You…all I want is…
You…all I want is…
You…
 |
The question is, what is it that makes Josh so irresistible, to so many, from 12-year-old trailer park girls to 45-year-old leather daddies to skinny gay boys and women of all ages. Like any French major worth his salt, Josh’s gendered appeal is complicated, embodying as much as anyone what linguistics scholar Eric Russel-Webb terms the French “boyish masculinity,” a threatening yet compassionate, sensitive kind of sexuality, oozing and palpable but also celibate and unhurried. His particular boyishness appears to be a function of his youthful appearance — with his thin chest and graceful turn of phrase, Josh looks perpetually, innocuously adolescent, and so pre-teen and teen boys (and girls) can imagine being best friends as well as mutually swooning soulmates. He’s straight and not straight, queer and not queer. Ideally ambiguous, Josh — or better, “Josh” — is open to every desire. No matter your gender or sexuality, you can want to be his girlfriend, and can imagine that he’s comfortable enough in his “straight-boy” skin to want to be yours too. |
Dino said I looked ridiculous in that photo. I suppose I do. It’s fun, anyway. And it’s a damned nice coat.
I’ve been downloading (buying) music from buymusic.com, mostly because it’s cheaper than buying CDs and it’s nearly impossible to find entire albums on Kazaa these days. They are all rights-managed through Windows Media Player. They limit how many CDs you can burn, computers & portables you can save it to. But there’s a very simple work around. All I’ve been doing is burning one CD then ripping the tracks as mp3s. 
I’ve also copied some of the CDs that WMP makes using nero6 (my absolute favorite cd/dvd authoring software) for some friends. So if anyone out there is looking for a workaround, that’s what you do. If I’m going to pay $7 for something, I’m going to do whatever I want with it. I assume you could do the same thing with iTunes.
It’s been a long week. Thankfully, it went by really quick. I had to check today & make sure it was really Friday. I’m tired. Been up since 8am. Went out to Olive Garden with Barb & Greg Deibert after work. Sapphire & Tonic is the official drink right now. It’s just good. If I could get people to stop putting the fucking lime in it I’d be happy. Thanks for dinner B&G! Then I went to the mall & bought two pairs of shoes. Finally got some Dr.Martens and also decided to get some Bullboxers (only in black) that I liked very very much.
Tonight’s song:
Coldplay : A Rush of Blood to the Head : The Scientist
Come up to meet you, tell you I’m sorry
You don’t know how lovely you are
I had to find you
Tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart
Tell me your secrets
And ask me your questions
Oh let’s go back to the start
Running in circles
Coming in tales
Heads are a science apart
Nobody said it was easy
It’s such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start
I was just guessing
At numbers and figures
Pulling your puzzles apart
Questions of science
Science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart
Tell me you love me
Come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles
Chasing tails
And coming back as we are
Nobody said it was easy
Oh it’s such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I’m going back to the start
“i’m so tired
of my mood
and sleep comes
with a knife, fork and a spoon”
-love spit love
can’t sleep… tired, but can’t sleep. must work at 9am… big bed… all alone… sad…
| l(a le af fa ll s) iness e e cummings |
Fucking Federal Government
I got a letter today telling me my student loan is 2 months past due. I’ve paid it (ONLINE) since I started having to make payments. This letter states I owe like $400 but when I log into my account at their website it says I’m current up to October… JESUS! Which means I’m going to have to call their number and sit on hold for five hours because I’m afraid just to do nothing. But it says I fucking paid! They’ve taken money out of my account! They killed Kenny! You Bastards!
The word of the day is bowdlerized. I saw it on MSNBC and couldn’t believe they’d used such a big fancy word!
Michelle from the Jenison store where I worked for 6 years called & said that Russ Kiel’s wife died. I used to work with Russ in the pharmacy and his wife was always sick, so it’s not unexpected. I had to work but I sent flowers…
Coldplay : A Rush of Blood to the Head : Warning Sign
A warning sign
I missed the good part then I realised
That I started looking and the bubble burst
I started looking for excuses
Come on in, I’ve got to tell you what a state I’m in
I’ve got to tell you in my loudest tones
That I started looking for a warning sign
When the truth is
I miss you
Yeah the truth is
That I miss you so
A warning sign
You came back to haunt me and I realised
That you were an island and I passed you by
When you were an island to discover
Come on in, I’ve got to tell you what a state I’m in
I’ve got to tell you in my loudest tones
That I started looking for a warning sign
And the truth is
I miss you
Yeah the truth is
I miss you so
And I’m tired
I should not have let you go
So I crawl back into your open arms
Yes I crawl back into your open arms
And I crawl back into your open arms
Yes I crawl back into your open arms
Josh has to download the source code for the new version of his compiler for OpenBSD. He will then compile it (with the old compiler) so he can compile the new version of Apache. There’s just something so wonderful about using the old compiler to make the new.
I called Dino tonight & woke him up. I dislike waking people with my phone calls. I just wish I had something important to speak with him about, but I of course didn’t. Although I would like him to find out what’s playing on- and off-broadway if he isn’t too busy with work and class. But I suppose I could do that myself on the web. I just like talking to him. I suppose it makes me feel a little less solitary in the moments I’m feeling solitary.
Sleep well, my friend.
Well Gull Rd. was not nearly as terrible as I expected. It’s a busy store so the day just flew by. They have the ScriptPro robot there and it’s absolutely the most amazing thing I’ve seen in a pharmacy. I guess I’ve met my replacement. Although it works faster than me by a mere 30 seconds. But it won’t call in sick or ask for a raise. Thankfully, I’m still cheaper.
Josh & I went to Barnes & Noble last night and as we were leavnig I saw none other than Todd Espeland of Commedia Zuppa & The Daring Devilinis. He and his wife worked with our theatre group in High School. Apparently they’ve been in Kzoo for awhile. I suppose I would’ve met up with them eventually had I left the apartment other than to go to work or the liquor store. Todd invited me and Brad (if he can make it…) to dinner sometime & I mentioned my play to him & he said to have Allison read it. Theatre connections! So many wonderful things are happening now… it’s fantastic.
Then Dino called around midnight. He had gone to some Fashion Week thing because he’s a whore. Or because he was invited. Or because he lives in NYC, and that’s what you do when you live in NYC. Or Something. Fashion is what he is taking a class on right now… yeah… fashion stuff. Even though he may attempt to deny it I definately think he’s a raging homosexual. We talked until he was incoherent from lack of sleep. It was great. Dino’s awesome.
Oh. I got a map of where I’ll be in NYC. Give it a click for the big one. 
Aaahhh… back at Shaver Rd. store so I had a good day at work. Arun the manager called in today so Barb was there to cover… we had an intern that no one wanted to deal with so we made her do a project. I helped. It turned out neat. Little pictures of the blood glucose test strips that we sell along with their price on white posterboard…. I love getting paid for doing something nearly useless. Tomorrow I work with the sullen folks at Gull Rd. Should be absolutely delightful.
I wonder if some day I might mean as much to someone as they mean to me.
Sorry. This is just too funny. Josh is full of accidental witticisms.
torstenvt: There are LOTS of nuclear physicists.
torstenvt: But how many of them can speak Russian?
edge79mi: a few of them, probably. Mostly the Russian ones.
We were discussing this article.
Fuck’em
I was supposed to have today off. Apparently Lisa from the Plainwell store had (supposedly) put in a request for me today. She never found the email she allegedly put out, so I think she forgot to request me & scheduled me anyway. So I unwillingly worked 2-9. I’m tired again. I was all energetic & looking forward to a day off when I got up (at the crack of 11:30) but now I’m just gonna watch The Hours again and wait for Dino to call. It was kinda fun cuz we were calling each other throughout the day; I’d be busy with a guest or a problem at work & he’d leave a voicemail & then I’d call him & leave a voicemail & then we’d talk for like 2 minutes & start all over again. Of course, since I came in to work as a favor I decided to keep my phone on 
. Fuck’em.
Long day. Long sigh.
Ok. I got distracted on my way to bed reading my archives… it’s amazing the thoughts that were going through my head back then. I can say I feel like I’ve really grown up in the past year, and I definately have a better idea about what I want out of life than I did then. Snaps to me. LOLOL
